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The Buddha said
"Carrying anger is like holding a hot rock that you
intend to throw at someone else….in the end though, the only
person it burns is you".
Often we carry emotion and
feelings unconsciously. We feel a feeling and we feel that we
are at the mercy of that feeling and have no choice about
whether we carry it or not. Actually though if we look deeper
we do have a choice. Consider for instance how some people
grieve for things for years and others move on quickly. What
is it that pulls a person out of grieving? There comes a time
when a person says to themselves "I can't go on grieving
like this" and a conscious decision is made that it's
time to stop grieving. Effectively a person chooses to
"let it go now" and a concerted effort begins to
re-engage with life fully. We "choose" to start
finding the brightness again.
Similarly with anger, we
often feel justified to feel anger. This is fine of course
because often our anger IS justified, but for some people that
anger becomes a huge weight which is carried around long after
its usefulness has ceased. We've all had the experience of
recognising that we need to let go of something emotional
because it's hurting us more than it's helping us.
Remember that your
unconscious emotional mind, being a non-deliberating,
non-rational mind, responds to your conscious intent and
conclusions about things. If you conclude for instance that
"I will not rest until they know how much I
suffered" (as purely an example) then that is one sure
way of ensuring you stay angry. In fact it becomes a contract.
Consider what other kind of contracts you make with yourself?
How do these contracts, assumptions, conclusions lock you into
negative feelings?
The Sedona Method is a
method of "releasing" such blocked, held, or trapped
feelings using your conscious intention to "let it
go". It's important NOT to analyse how or why it works,
but simply to do it (sincerely) and then return to the feeling
and see how it has changed. The formula is simple:
You sit quietly, close your
eyes, and focus on the feeling (usually stored somewhere in
your body…so locate where the tension/feeling is in the
body) which you would like to release (or even simply the
feeling which is troubling you). It could be any feeling from
rage to grief, from confusion to boredom. You ask yourself the
following questions in relation to the continued carrying of
that feeling:
1) Could I let this feeling
go? 2) Would I let this feeling go? 3) When? Would now be
okay?
So to expand on that you are
more broadly speaking asking this: -
1) Could I let this feeling
go? Meaning …..Do I need this feeling? Is there any reason
(rationally) why I need to keep this feeling? In achieving my
goal (to enjoy peace if no other goal is set) does this
feeling help me in any way? So in principle then would it be
okay to be without this feeling?
When you can answer yes to
this question move on to the second question. If for any
reason you feel that there is a reason to hold on to the
feeling, ask how much of the feeling you actually need to
hold. You will often find that you need maybe only 10%. You
can then continue with "Could I let 90% of this feeling
go?" You work gently and respectfully with these feelings
seeking an agreed amount that you feel could be released. DO
NOT get into self-argument…….You are able to let go of
what you are able to let go of today, and whatever you let go
of is step forward even if it's only one percent! Tomorrow is
another day. The psyche has to work at its own pace so no
forcing. Coaxing/reasoning is okay …but no forcing!
2) Would I let this feeling
go?
Meaning…"Am I willing
to let this feeling go?"
This one is
self-explanatory. Having ascertained in step one that you
could in principle let it go, we now ask if you are actually
willing to do so? This can often be an interesting step
because here you sometimes find it's your lack of willingness
to let a feeling go which is the obstacle. This is good news
because you may previously have been operating under the
mistaken assumption that you had no choice about these
feelings. Here you might discover that you DO have a choice
which puts the power back in your hands! Again though, don't
force it…honour the fact that you are not willing to let a
feeling go (right now…just yet). There may well be a very
good reason for that. Ask again "How much AM I willing to
let go of ?" Again, see if you can agree a percentage (If
it's all of it …great! If not, no matter) and then move on
to the third question.
2) When? Would now be okay?
If it's later, fine leave it
for now. You have at least learned something about the
feeling. You have learned that you A) You could let it/some of
it go. B) That you are willing to let it/some of it go. C)
That you will let it go at some point (You can mark it to come
back to at some point…tomorrow you may feel ready!)
If you can answer yes to
letting it go now, then you simply take a good deep breath and
INTEND to release it on the exhale. Bring sincerity to this
moment. MEAN to let it go. If it feels like you need more than
one breath take a few and each time release the feeling on the
exhale. (two or three breaths maximum…normally one will be
enough).
The important thing in this
step is to give yourself entirely to the moment of release.
Stay out of examination or analysis as you release. It is very
difficult to gauge whether you "have" or "have
not" released in the moment. The gauge comes afterwards.
Take moment to be in a neutral space. A good way of doing this
is just to take your mind to a neutral visualisation, a field
of flowers or a beach or something. Then return to the place
in your body where you felt the original feeling and focus on
what is NOW there. It may well be that the feeling is still
there but you will almost certainly be able to sense that it
is different in some way. Sometimes it will be completely
released. Sometimes a percentage will remain. Sometimes it
will feel different. For instance, we might release anger and
discover that behind the anger is a layer of sadness. Be open
to whatever remains. Now you can repeat the process with
whatever remains. We begin the process with whatever remains
as a new feeling in its own right. Even if the first feeling
was "fear" and the second feeling is also
"fear", we still approach the new feeling as a
feeling in its own right. This stops us getting into confusion
about whether "anything is happening?" Often
emotional discomfort is created by a number of different
feelings and it is helpful to think of this releasing process
as releasing "layers"…one by one. You may not
always feel an immediate difference but it may be that you are
releasing only 1% of a layer at any one time. Stay with it. It
DOES help. You can continue releasing for as long as it feels
right to do so. As a practical guide, it's a good idea to do
this little and often. Perhaps 10-20 minutes a day. Don't
expect miraculous overnight transformations. You are working
with feelings that may have been held for years and they
release in their own good time, but do consider that the
releases that take place are real releases…..You are
literally releasing blocks from your psyche. Over time these
small releases add up to shedding a whole bunch of emotional
weight from your shoulders!
Happy
Couldyouwouldyouwhenning!
Disclaimer: This article is given
for information purposes only. The author cannot be held
responsible for any effects arising from the use of the
information contained herein, and any use of the information
in this article is used entirely at the risk of the user.
Persons with poor mental health should not consider
using these exercises but should refer themselves to their GP
for assistance.
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